FAQ » Living with an Enya fan

Have your dear one been acting strangely ever since he got that Enya cd for Christmas? If you suspect that YELF (Your Enya-loving fan) turned completely crazy because of his Enya fandom, you are probably right. The condition usually stays for life but can be handled.

Why does MELF (My Enya-loving fan) turn pale every time I say 'shortly'?

'Shortly' and 'soon', or 'Enyashortly' and 'Enyasoon' respectively, are a way to say that something is very unlikely to happen any time soon. The time span for 'Enyashortly' varies from several years to never.

MELF adds 'away' after each verb and then he repeats it until I go crazy/leave the room. Should I worry?

It's just a usual case of Enya-speak, nothing serious. Another well-known symptom is replying 'only time' to anyone asking 'who knows?'

What to get MELF for Christmas/birtday?

Visit EIL and buy anything with 'scarce' or 'rare' in the product description. If you don't want to spend any money, just draw him a picture of Enya and promise to buy a ticket for the next Enya concert.

We are planning a vacation and MELF insists on going to Ireland at all cost.

Do not worry, Ireland can be great place to visit! Leave YELF in the Christ Church Cathedral to trace down the exact spot that Enya stood on when she shot her video and go have a beer at Temple bar in the meantime. Do not forget to collect the starstruck YELF on return.

But we've already been to Ireland five times...I want to go to a different place!

Do not despair, there's hope. Decide where you want to go and then find a connection to Enya. Insist that a REAL Enya fan needs to go there.

Example: You want to go to the Caribbean and lay in the sun for two weeks without being rained on.

Wrong approach: I am fed up with that damn island! I don't want to eat any more bloody potatoes filled with more potatoes and covered in potato sauce, I've already got so drunk last time that I can't stand Guinness anymore and I finally want to go somewhere where it is actually warm and I do not need a windproof AND waterproof jacket to go to the beach!

Correct approach: Caribbean Blue is such a poetic song, I wonder how Caribbean Blue looks like? I think that we should go and see for ourselves... the soft winds Zephyrus and Eurus will caress our cheeks while we are lost in reverie... oh, the nature of dreams!

MELF owns so much Enya posters that he can wallpaper our entire apartment with them and there will still be enough left for the neighbour. How can I stop him?

If YELF in question is a teenager, there is a good chance he will grow out of it. Let him decorate his room and do not go in there.

If YELF in question is an adult, he will probably not grow out of it. Give him a corner to decorate and do not go in there.

MELF sold my grandma to buy the complete collection of Enya's Japanese promos. I want her back!

Auction the promos on eBay to recover the money. Be sure that your ELF doesn't bid on the auction to get just-in-case copies. Then threaten to open his sealed Paint the Sky with Stars tin if he ever does it again.

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